Dadstuff Diaries: Of endings and beginnings

New jumper with dinner

K found out yesterday that her blood pressure's gone back up, after being pretty normal throughout her pregnancy, so the anxiety levels - despite our better efforts - have inevitably gone up as well.  Tomorrow marks the same stage she was at when this guy here <- showed up (6 weeks before the due date) so it wasn't like we didn't have it on our minds already, as we inevitably replay the events of that day and recall some of the minor traumas associated with it.

K's finishing up at work this week which means that she should be able to put her feet up, though there's still a lot of preparation to do for the new arrival.  In the meantime, I'm still slogging away at this last, last piece of assessment I have to do for the Masters.  So much reading to get through still, have to finish it this week before typing all the notes up into a structure and then writing the damned thing As Soon As Possible. 

It's my own fault though - I want to learn which means that I tend to cast a pretty wide net with my research.  It helps me to get the most out of the course but, still, it isn't the best thing to be dealing with at the moment.

And to top it all off I'll be starting a new job at the beginning of next month, so I have to try and tidy everything up at work and then hit the ground running at the new place.  Which will be doubly interesting as it's in an area I've had nothing to do with before, so I'll be relying on raw ability to get across all the new stuff as quickly as I can.  Things sort of came in a rush where I had several opportunities present themselves but I went with the first option available to me, which takes me out of where I am now (which I really, really need) and gives me some more challenges and, hopefully, a bit more professional development in the areas I need it.

The other thing is that aside from being a new job, it'll also represent the end of my role as the primary carer (I'll be going full-time while K stays at home).  Well, maybe not an end, but an evolution.  It's coming up to a year and three quarters since I started being the full-time stay at home parent followed by going back to work part-time last October. 

It hasn't been easy, what with all the colds caught from The Boy via daycare, not to mention trying to manage work expectations when I returned (the bitter experience of which contributed to my desire to leave), but I think we've muddled through it ok.  The evidence, I hope, presents itself in the grin above.  It's the parental prerogative to say so, but he's a charming and funny wee lad that one. 

One day, when he's older, I'll get to talk to him about what it was like when he was at home with me.  About the long neighbourhood walks for his afternoon sleeps at the beginning, about watching play school together, having him on my lap and playing piano, or guitar, or tickle-fu, or hidey.  About the shouts of joy when his mum walked through the door into a house full of cooking smells, of him standing on a chair and watching Betty-Sue (our most excellent mixer for those of you who don't remember) do her thing as I made biscuits, bread or pulla.  

I wish the experience for all fathers, really, though naturally I'm cognisant of why that isn't possible for the vast majority of men.  I tend to think about it as a gender issue I guess - the broader lack of pay parity for women means that it isn't financially viable for most families for the father to take time away from the workplace, which in turn puts the responsibility upon women, which in turn arguably contributes to a lack of pay parity.  It's only been in the past couple of years, just based on what I've seen, that situations like mine have become frequent enough to receive broader comment in the media.

But hey, I'd be fooling myself (and lying to you) if I stood on a pedestal and said "I am doing this solely for the greater good".  I wanted an experience denied to my own father.  I wanted to be a part of my child's life in real, everyday ways.  It looks like I won't really get the opportunity to take a similar period off with no. 2 (as K's indicated that she would prefer to return part-time after the end of her mat leave) but that's ok.  We'll work it out as we go - 'cos what else are you going to do?